Don’t settle. There is always a solution or alternative. It might not be the same, the one you wanted or even the one you thought you would always have available but if you want something badly enough and are willing to work for it, hard work, then you may just be surprised. Even the most insurpassable problems can have their own silver linings.
I was reminded of this, albeit surprised, but secretly delighted, that the BBC published an article on this very subject. It is not often that the condition I have makes the news, let alone BBC News but last week it did.
The BBC published an article on the journey of Tracey you can read it in full here….https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-47213639
Being faced with a situation that emotionally and psychologically strains is not easy. Finding the best way forward for you is also not easy and may not be the same path that someone else in the same situation does or wants to take and there are of course other options as well. This is only one.
It may seem a little unorthodox to do what Tracey did, certainly to those who are not in the same situation or know of someone who is, but she is not alone, mums, sisters, aunts and friends along with ladies you don’t know become surrogates to allow someone else to have a biological baby when they cannot themselves.
A surrogate can be a surrogate at pretty much any age, what I mean is that there are not the same restrictions that women would usually have with child birth albeit there are still considerations such as health and weight amongst other things which are taken into account.
I once considered this step a long time ago and in a different situation. My mum even checked (without any prompting from me I might add) if she could be the surrogate and she was told, incorrectly as we would later find out, that it would not be possible because of her age.
I am personally pleased that the situation didn’t go further at the time, I wasn’t in the right place for it and neither was my partner at the time and looking back I know that for me it wasn’t the right path. I have written other blogs on that specific experience which go into more detail on the challenges that those of us who need to pursue this path with a desire for our own child. You can find them in my blog archive.
That process is not easy, even the early stages of tests and assessments and medical appointments is daunting and can put pressure on what seem like the strongest relationships.
The intricacies, and if I may put plainly, the antiquated laws surrounding surrogacy and IVF also often lead to an unfair postcode lottery of funding and support (only ever to support the medical side of IVF of course). Whilst this is often a challenge for anyone who needs IVF, regardless of their situation it is even worse for those of us who also require a surrogate.
I completely understand why Tracey, and why others pursue this and why that desire is so strong. They don’t want to give up and they absolutely shouldnt have to.
Aside from the perhaps obvious challenges here and those perhaps less obvious, such as Parental orders that are alluded to in the article, it is clear that things need to change to make this process more accepted from a legal and medical standpoint. A lot is being done on this topic and the reform of those laws is already going through iterations in government in the UK strongly lead by SurrogacyUK and a board of other interested parties fighting to bring more fairness to all with fertility issues. When fertility issues affect 1 in 7 couples in the UK according to the NHS.
Never giving up is easy enough to say when not faced with something that can be so daunting and have so much impact before anything has even happened. Never giving up in the face of adversity, perhaps years of pursuing this dream and in a society that can often not understand is commendable.
Never giving up to find the solution that best works for you, your partner and your situation even when it could be so easy to think its just not worth it is made even stronger when your goal is so big.
Thank you BBC for sharing Tracey’s story